On Change, Loss, and Growing Apart

things-will-change

We lose people frequently as the years go by. Our group of friends begins to change like the seasons. There’s the true few who will always be there, but for the most part, many people end up drifting out of our lives. The same is true of relationships… at least until you find the one.

These losses happen all the time, and for many different reasons. One big one (at least in my experience) is when people move away. True friendship and love can withstand distance, but it’s tough to keep the spirit alive after long periods of time apart.

In other situations, people fight and never find the courage to initiate forgiveness. The rift between them grows so large that it becomes too much work to repair it. They let the friendship disintegrate, until they no longer know who that person is anymore.

As I continue to grow and learn, I’m experiencing a new kind of loss more frequently. People are starting to slowly evaporate from my life because we are no longer one in the same.

I start to feel this growing sense of distance. We were originally brought together because we had the same views, interests, and hobbies. Then, this strange thing happens, and it happens often.

People change, and then you grow apart.

These changes can be both painful and liberating. It’s painful because you can feel yourself losing someone you cared about. The person we once thought we could count on begins to dissolve into someone untrustworthy. It could be you that changed, or the other person who started behaving differently. Either way, the changes are enough to cause you to drift apart.

Lately, I’ve stopped focusing on the painful aspects of this, like losing someone who once knew you so well. Instead, I’ve figured out what’s liberating about growing apart from people.

When you let one person go, it makes room for others to enter your life. By growing apart, you allow yourself the opportunity to be surrounded by likeminded people.

Being around people with the same views is more inspiring than you can imagine. It opens up new avenues to follow your dreams. It allows you to grow as an individual. You’re free to evolve with new people, instead of being stuck in the same ruts. Instead of sticking to comfort and familiarity, you allow yourself to expand into new horizons.

I’m not saying that I think you should disown your friends or your partner. If you have someone that you can relate to on all levels, enjoy them to the fullest.  I also don’t think you should ever forget the memories you had with those special people in the past.

What I’m saying is that if you start to  feel   the    distance     growing, don’t be afraid to let it go. The loss is only occurring to make room in your life, room for the people out there who have evolved just like you have. You never know when the next door could open, and that new friend or partner could completely change your life. For the better, of course.

Leave a comment here with your thoughts.

The Things We All Have In Common

common

It’s easy to point out differences amongst us. Some people are physically different from one another, in terms of height, weight, and skin color. Many others have different core values and believe in a variety of religions. The human race is a vast combination of contrasts.

There’s one set of differences that I’ve been having a hard time with lately – the distinctions between my boyfriend and I. I’m not one to put my personal life out there for all to read, but I think this story has a good lesson behind it.

Let it be known. 

Opposites attract, as we’ve all heard before. In my relationship, there are many opposites that end up working out great for us. We also have an endless number of similarities that remind me of how much I love him dearly. One core value is very different between us, however, and it’s a big one. I’m a workaholic, constantly putting in 110% effort and occupying myself with work. He, on the other hand, is more of a “do what he needs to do to get by” kind of guy. He likes to put in the bare minimum amount of effort.

This drives me crazy. I can be hyper ambitious, always pushing people to work their hardest. Obviously, you all know this because you read my blog about how to follow your dreams. But for my love, at least for right now, it’s having no effect on him. He won’t be swayed by my hard work ethic.

There are times when I feel like this core difference between us could break us apart completely. I was having one of those negative days the other day, and stumbled upon this quote by Mahatma Gandhi.

We forget that despite the superficial differences between us, people are equal in their basic wish for peace and happiness.

A little bell went off in my head, in terms of my relationship and the rest of my life. It doesn’t matter what kind of differences there are between us. We are all humans. We all dream of being happy and loved by others. He may have a different way of going about his daily life, but that’s what makes him happy.

Think about this the next time you encounter someone whose differences seem worlds apart from yours. They’re also looking for peace and happiness. They have the same desire burning in them to be content and satisfied with their lives.

Like Gandhi said, many of these differences are superficial. In the larger scheme of life, in the part of the universe that’s beyond our comprehension, there are no differences between us. Once we learn how to treat all human beings with the same amount of compassion, true happiness will be known.

As always, feel free to delight me with your thoughts. Leave a comment. 

Giving Thanks

I’m baking cheesecake-filled pumpkin cupcakes this morning with cream cheese icing. They’re a Fall/Thanksgiving tradition of mine. I have to wait about 3o more minutes for the cream cheese to reach room temperature, so I thought, why not write a quick post while I drink my coffee? In honor of Thanksgiving, here are a few things I’m thankful for.

1) My family. It pains me that I can’t be with them today, but they’re with me in my heart. My mother and father are my biggest fans. They give me endless support in everything I do. My sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents are all my lifeline. Words cannot express how thankful I am for each and every one of them.

2) My boyfriend. He came into my life at a time when I had no hope left in love. He’s been a part of it ever since. He’s my best friend, always there for me, always making me smile. He puts up with my daily mood swings and sarcastic comments. He loves me and all of my flaws. This man would never let me go. What more can someone ask for?

3) My friends. I have many acquaintances, but not many true friends. There are a select few who I know will always be a part of my life. We could spend weeks or months apart and it wouldn’t change how close our friendship is.  I treasure this kind of friendship. Thank you for always being there, making bad decisions with me, and never judging. You know who you are.

4) The opportunities I’ve been given. I’m thankful for the chance to go to college and earn an education. Not everyone is given this opportunity, so I want to give thanks for it. College has given me endless opportunities and chances to improve myself. I’ve met some of my best friends. I’ve learned who I am and who I want to be. My future is bright because of this opportunity.

5) You, my readers. My blog readership is still very small.  I want you all to know that I can see each and every page view. There are days when only one person will look at my blog. I wish I could see who that person was and thank them. Each individual view of my site fills my heart with gratitude. I’ll forever be thankful for anyone who is touched by this blog and my writing.

 

It’s time to bake some cupcakes. What are you thankful for today? Leave a comment.

What’s Love Got to do With it?

Love has everything to do with it.

By it, I mean positive thinking and following your dreams. I’ve shied away from writing about love, all because one male reader told me he didn’t want to read blog posts full of “mushy love stuff.” That’s understandable. This love is much more than that.

The love I’m talking about is love for all things. Love for your family members, love for all human beings, and love for nature are equally as important as romantic love. I’m going to delve a little deeper into those three topics, just to graze the surface of love for all things.

Love your family.

Forgive them of their wrongdoings and mistakes. Love them more than anyone. We only get one biological family in life. These are the people whose characteristics you’ve inherited and will share forever. In the toughest of times, at least in my experience, family members have been the only ones I could truly count on. Having love for your family members is the start of having love for all things. They are your foundation in life, and the most deserving of your love.

I understand that there are some family situations where love just isn’t a part of it anymore. There are tragic circumstances where family members are taken away from the world too soon, or they’ve disappeared decades ago and will never return. The effects of this can be felt for the rest of someone’s lifetime, but love them nonetheless. The relationship started as a loving one, and that’s the way it should be remembered.

Love all human beings.

This can be the most difficult love to give, at least for me. Someone will cut you off while driving or do something terrible to betray your trust. How can you love that person? You don’t have to like them, but treat them with love. The saying “kill them with kindness” applies here. Realize that people make stupid decisions. Trust that karma will take care of payback. Be the type of person whose loving attitude can’t be shaken.

Also, treat random human beings with love. You never know what one person may be going through. Your smile or simple “hello” can make their entire day brighter. Give a random compliment. Don’t bow your head in shame when someone walks by. Treat all people you encounter with love, and love will become the most powerful force in your life.

Love nature.

This is a tough one for me to put into words, mostly because it deals with our soul. The soul is a topic far too deep for the final section of this blog post, but know that our soul can be found in all things. Ralph Waldo Emerson made me realize this, a historic author who, amongst many other things, explained the importance of being one with nature.

You know that feeling of significance when you watch the sun rise, or stand on the edge of a mountain and look out at the world far beyond? That’s the mind realizing that we are a small piece of a tremendously large universe. It’s our soul that can be felt in nature, and nature must be treated with love and respect.

Love all animals and creatures. Watch them with fascination and realize that they too have a very important place in this world. Love trees and flowers and bodies of water. I realize that I’m talking like a hippy now, but these parts of nature are beautiful things. It’s important to treat nature with love if we want to live a positive lifestyle.

 

I tell you to treat all things with love for one reason – Love is powerful. Once you start to live a life that is motivated by love, fantastic things will come to you. Loving all things is a large step in living a positive life, for the rest of your life. How have you acted with love today? Leave a comment.